A Mosaic of Emotions: When IVF Turns Out Successful

In September, 2018, we prepared for a frozen embryo transfer. This time, we felt more sure of ourselves. The procedures were familiar, the embryo genetically normal, our hearts a little stronger from the wear. 

Once the embaby was on board, we began talking to her.

We knew it was a girl, and we had picked out a name years prior. We did everything we can during the TWW to connect to her, and to each other, and believe that she would become our daughter. 

Again, on the morning of my scheduled beta blood test, I woke up at 5:30am, full of anxiety. I took a home pregnancy test, and then a second, just to confirm.

It’s the first time in my life I’d seen a positive test result.

I stared hard at those two lines, and the words “Pregnant 2-3” for several minutes before waking up my husband. We grinned and cried and hugged, and a few hours later our clinic confirmed our first beta results at 74. We returned to the clinic two days later, and my numbers did a little more than double. Our second beta was 158 at 4 weeks, 1 day, and we scheduled our first ultrasound appointment for 5 weeks, 6 days. 

That afternoon, we went out and bought cheesy ultrasound picture frames, printing copies of the photo from our transfer, and surprising our parents with the positive news. 

The thing about IVF is it takes away a lot of the wow factor.

Our parents not only knew we’d been trying to get pregnant, but that we had had a second embryo transfer the week prior. It was just a matter of time before we told them it worked, or it hadn’t. They were of course, filled with immense joy the moment they heard the news, but we were all acutely aware that this experience was different than we’d once imagined. 

While we had no frame of reference to believe that I might struggle to sustain a pregnancy, we held cautious optimism that our baby would continue to grow. In honesty, we shared news of our IVF success when my pregnancy was at just 8 weeks - we’d been so open about our journey with infertility that again, our friends and family were waiting to hear of our transfers outcome, and we felt adamant that even if there was a loss, we’d want to talk about that too. 

During pregnancy, outside of the fact that I threw up every day from week 7 until the day after I delivered my daughter, I felt really good. I knew deep down that there was a chance I might not be able to do this again, and I tried hard to take in every moment. I journaled, wrote letters to my daughter, took photos, and captured as much of pregnancy as possible. 

In May, 2019, at 35 weeks and 4 days, my water spontaneously broke, and 14 hours later I had a 5lb, 9oz baby girl in my arms. The greatest miracle of my life. 

If only that was the end to my infertility story…