Find Space for Your Heart Here

In the midst of busy lives, uncertainty & so much more, I hope that this blog will be a soft landing space for you. Find some of my heart, stories, and resources below, and please reach-out to me however I can support you. If there are additional topics you’d like to see on the blog, please feel free to email me!

Defining Infertility
Amanda Osowski Amanda Osowski

Defining Infertility

Defining Infertility was written by a real IVF patient (past + present), who has a strong background in the health sciences and has immense experience navigating complicated terms and normalizing the conversations around Infertility. Each term is categorized, defined in what I hope is easy to understand snippets, and I’ve included tips, tricks, and notes as often as I could think of them! This book is written for anyone who is trying to conceive or on the journey to become a parent.

Read More
Loss of Finding Out | Guest Post
Infertility, Guest Blog Amanda Osowski Infertility, Guest Blog Amanda Osowski

Loss of Finding Out | Guest Post

When you experience loss in your journey to parenthood, ranging from difficulty conceiving to infertility to fertility treatments to miscarriage to prematurity and infant loss, it wears on you.  But, what most people fail to understand in this process is that loss is not just a one and done, the loss continues to happen to you over and over again, and even worse, it starts a spiral that feels never ending, the spiral of secondary losses.  Those secondary losses that come as a result of your primary loss and can range from friends who you cannot rely on anymore to a personal instinct and intuition you no longer can believe in to the picture of what you had expected your family to look like changing and evolving. 

Read More
The Mental Load of Motherhood for my Embryos
Infertility Amanda Osowski Infertility Amanda Osowski

The Mental Load of Motherhood for my Embryos

The mental load of motherhood for my embryos means thinking constantly, sometimes non-stop, about what the next steps are, what I am doing to move them forward, and what has to happen to ensure one or both of these babies get to grow and thrive and join us earth side. It means thinking about my body, and our TTC journey, and the medications I’ve been on, and the one’s I’ve asked about but haven’t tried, and the failures we’ve had, and how those can keep pushing me forward. It includes plan A, and plan B, and plans C, D, E, F and G. It means thinking about contingencies and roadmaps and whats next and what’s lost and what can still happen. It’s finding patience in the wait. It’s finding ways to manage the anxiety in the wait. It’s all for my embryos. For our babies to be.

Read More
How to Ask for Support during Infertility
Infertility Amanda Osowski Infertility Amanda Osowski

How to Ask for Support during Infertility

I’m trying to become the queen of messages that say “I see you” and “You’ve got this” and “You’re not alone” - they don’t have to be long, or wordy, overly dramatic or full of emojis and graphics. They just need to be sincere. They need to expect no response. They need to come with no strings attached. They just need to be deposited, from sender to receiver, on the regular. 

Read More
A Mosaic of Emotions: The Next Adventure
Infertility Amanda Osowski Infertility Amanda Osowski

A Mosaic of Emotions: The Next Adventure

Today I walked back into my RE’s office and found myself drifting through the motions…. 

Check-in, answer screening questions, have my temperature checked, get my parking validated, wait for a few minutes. Get called by a nurse, have my blood drawn (today took three sticks), return to the waiting room. Scroll absentmindedly on my phone while trying not to make eye contact with any other woman doing the exact same thing in another chair six feet apart from me. Hear my name called again. Walk to an exam room. Undress from the waist down, but never remove my mask…

Read More
A Mosaic of Emotions: Motherhood & TTC All Over Again
Infertility Amanda Osowski Infertility Amanda Osowski

A Mosaic of Emotions: Motherhood & TTC All Over Again

Becoming a mom broke me open in ways I couldn’t have predicted. 

48 hours after her birth, my daughter had some respiratory distress right as we were getting ready for hospital discharge. She was routed to the NICU for some additional monitoring, and I remember sitting cross legged in the chair next to her isolette, sobbing. I turned to my husband and told him that all of a sudden, it felt like my heart was living outside of my body. 

Read More
A Mosaic of Emotions: Infertility, Marriage & Communication
Infertility Amanda Osowski Infertility Amanda Osowski

A Mosaic of Emotions: Infertility, Marriage & Communication

Early in our dating days, my husband and I enthusiastically agreed that we wanted to become parents.

We hoped for a big family, and like many new couples, dreamed of what it might be like, how we wanted to raise our children, and how we thought we’d be as parents. We once thought our biggest challenges would be deciding who was the stricter parent.

Read More
A Mosaic of Emotions: Riding the Waves of Infertility
Amanda Osowski Amanda Osowski

A Mosaic of Emotions: Riding the Waves of Infertility

My happy place has been the same for as long as I can remember. The beach. Or more specifically, at the edge of the water. 

Everywhere I’ve ever lived, I’ve sought out the closest option - a river, a pond, the lake, the ocean. The sand is a bonus, but not required. It’s about the movement of water. From suburbs to city, Chicago to Iowa to Minnesota, apartment to townhouse to home - I’ve always made it a priority. Why? Because the water is where I find myself. Where I give myself permission to get lost, to break open, and to tug on the unraveling seams. It’s the place where I feel one with nature, at peace with my heart, and safe in my vulnerability. 

Water and I have this symbiotic relationship, if you will. It’s therapy to me, watching the magic of the waves crashing against the shore. 

Read More
A Mosaic of Emotions: From IUI to IVF - How Failed Treatments Pushed us Forward
Infertility Amanda Osowski Infertility Amanda Osowski

A Mosaic of Emotions: From IUI to IVF - How Failed Treatments Pushed us Forward

Infertility. Was it a sentencing? Or a reckoning? 

When my husband and I were diagnosed with Unexplained Infertility, we both felt lost. We didn’t know anyone who had previously talked openly about their experience with trying to conceive, and we were angry about the stigma still silencing many walking the same path. We never imagined this would be our story, but when it became our story, we chose to embrace it full stop.

Read More
A Mosaic of Emotions: The Beginning
Infertility Amanda Osowski Infertility Amanda Osowski

A Mosaic of Emotions: The Beginning

In the early days of dating my now husband, we had all of the obvious conversations - what are you looking for in a partnership, what dreams and plans do you have for your career, your passions, and really, most importantly, what do you hope for in a family? 

It was never a doubt, or even a second thought for us, combined, that we wanted 3-5 kids. My husband grew up as an only child, and to this day feels pangs of sadness about not having a sibling to do life beside. Together, my husband and I yearned for a pack of kiddos - one that would fight hard and love fiercely, everything siblings are supposed to do together. 

Read More
A Mosaic of Emotions: Music First, Foremost & Always
Infertility Amanda Osowski Infertility Amanda Osowski

A Mosaic of Emotions: Music First, Foremost & Always

Music has been an integral part of my life, of my husband’s life, and of our life together, so it came as no surprise to me when I realized that each part of my journey to motherhood has had some sort of anthem, whether I’ve recognized it at the time or only in hindsight.

There were constantly playlists running in the background of our lives - starting from the early days of trying to conceive at home, in the old-school, “natural” sense. Then, of course, there was the music that comforted us on our early morning drives to the fertility clinic, day after day, month after month, the songs that pumped us up during injection seasons, the lyrics that sat beside us in grief and the ones that we shouted in celebration, once we finally made it into the “safe zone” with my pregnancy in 2018. There was the song that I listened to over and over again when I was in labor, and there were very specifically curated playlists created for my daughter when she was born. 

This most recent season has looked no different for me, or for our family, when it comes to music. I have often been grateful to lyrics that say what I cannot, or express more eloquently what I am feeling, especially in the wake of loss, or grief, trauma or hurt. 

Read More
The Crippling Costs of Infertility
Infertility Amanda Osowski Infertility Amanda Osowski

The Crippling Costs of Infertility

Four years ago, I learned how expensive it was to struggle with Infertility. 

I live in one of the 16 states that offer SOME insurance coverage for Infertility treatment. I should consider myself "blessed"

However, I'm currently ignoring the growing pit in my stomach as I start putting my ducks in a row for our next round of IVF. 

Read More
IVF Doesn’t Guarantee A Baby
Amanda Osowski Amanda Osowski

IVF Doesn’t Guarantee A Baby

My at home testing strategy during the TWW, processing my feelings after a 2nd successive failed Embryo Transfer & my advice to others

Read More
Sendoff Sex - Intimacy Before IVF
Infertility Amanda Osowski Infertility Amanda Osowski

Sendoff Sex - Intimacy Before IVF

Scheduled intercourse month after month in our TTC days had worn deep into our psyche, and then the dictated rules about when we were intimate during fertility treatments felt like we were barely in control of when and how we enjoyed each other. With Sendoff Sex, we found joy in the intentionality that that time would be special and that it would carry us through until the next time it was safe for us to be together that way.

I busted out the lingerie. We put together a playlist. We turned our phones on silent and really, connected. We both came with a freedom we had been missing, and it felt like an explosion of hope and frustration and anticipation of the months both behind and ahead of us.

Read More